Best WhatsApp Status and Stories in English
- 1 Best WhatsApp Status and Stories in English
- 2 Trendy WhatsApp Status
- 3 Cool WhatsApp Status
- 4 Trendy WhatsApp Stories
- 5 Awesome WhatsApp Status
- 6 WhatsApp Status Messages
- 7 WhatsApp Status one Line
- 8 New WhatsApp Status
- 9 WhatsApp Status For Boys
- 10 WhatsApp Status for Girls
- 11 Best WhatsApp Status in English
See an example of Best WhatsApp Status below.
I’m not lazy, I’m just on my energy saving mode.
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WhatsApp which has become popular among individuals in these days, because it’s user-friendly in addition to ease data price. WhatsApp standing is a way where our mood is shared by us, either we are feeling happy, sad, romantic or angry. To express your own feelings in greater extent, you need some WhatsApp status, here will enable you to find out a few very best.
We have combined all type of WhatsApp status, Cool WhatsApp status, Funny WhatsApp status, and WhatsApp status messages.
You may also like:- Good Night WhatsApp SMS
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When I die, I want my grave to offer free Wi-Fi so that people visit more often.
I love food and sleep. If I give you a bit of food or text you all night, that means something.
Diets are hard because I get hungry.
We live in the era of smartphones and stupid peoples.
Just saw the smartest person when I was in front of the mirror.
I’m not lazy, I’m just on my energy saving mode.
Please be patient even a toilet can handle only one ass hole at a time.
Whenever I have a problem, I just sing, then I realize my voice is worse than my problem.
Trust me I am a liar.
When I’m on my deathbed, I want my final words to be “I left one million dollars in the.”
I always learn from mistake of others who take my advice.
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Trendy WhatsApp Status
Love to go with the trends? These trendy WhatsApp Status will do the work for you. Just copy one Trendy WhatsApp Status from here and make your WhatsApp Trendy.
If I delete your number, you’re basically deleted from my life.
Some people need to open their small minds instead of their big mouths.
Whenever I think of quit smoking, I need a cigarette to think.
Relation of friendship is greater than the relation of blood.
When I miss you I re-read our old conversations and smile like an idiot.
When I miss you it seems every song I listen to is about you.
My silence/smile is just another word for my pain.
Sometimes it’s better to be alone, no one can hurt you.
The most painful goodbyes are those which were never said and never explained.
Sometimes I’m not angry, I’m hurt and there’s a big difference.
My silence doesn’t mean that I quit. It simply means that I don’t want to argue with people who just don’t want to understand.
Don’t be so happy, I don’t really forgive people, I just pretend like it’s okay and wait for my turn to destroy them.
If you want to make your dreams come true, the first thing you have to do is wake up.
The greatest advantage of speaking the truth is that you don’t have to remember what you said.
I’m not failed. My success is just postponed.
Every day is a second chance.
If opportunity doesn’t knock, build a door.
Do not give up, the beginning is always the hardest.
The only way to do great work is to love what you do.
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.
God is really creative, I mean – just look at me.
You have to learn the rules of the game. And then you have to play better than anyone else.
Life is like riding a bicycle to keep your balance, you must keep moving.
You’re already a successful person. The things we take for granted someone else is praying for.
Dreams are not what you see in sleep, is the thing which doesn’t let you sleep.
Cool WhatsApp Status
If you are a cool person and want to make your WhatsApp just like your personality Just read these Cool WhatsApp status and copy from here.
I will win, not immediately but definitely.
Had a really great night out last night, according to my police.
The road to success is always under construction.
Doubt kills more dreams than failure ever will.
Born to express not to impress.
Silent people have the loudest minds.
When I was born. The devil said- oh shit! Competition.
I work for money, for loyalty hire a dog.
Some people are alive only because it’s illegal to kill them.
When nothing goes right, go left.
If you can’t convince them, confuse them.
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I love to walk in the fog because nobody knows I’m smoking.
I’m not drunk, I’m just chemically of balanced.
Oh, so you want to argue, bring it. I got my caps lock on.
I’m so poor that I can’t pay attention in class.
Warning, I know karate and few other oriental words.
I talk to myself because I like dealing with a better class of people.
Save water drink beer.
Virginity is not dignity, it is just lack of opportunity.
Not all men are fools, some stay bachelor.
Phones are better than girlfriends, at least we can switch off.
I love my job only when I’m on vacation.
Friends come and go, but enemies remain and build up.
Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.
In my house I’m the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.
How is a poor man a lot like a rich? They both an iPhone.
Some people call me mile, you can call me tonight.
Sometimes you succeed and other time you learn.
I always dream of being a millionaire like my uncle. He’s dreaming too.
My last seen at was just to check your last seen at.
Not always available. Try your luck.
Hey there WhatsApp is using me.
Life is short – chat fast.
Time is precious, waste it wisely.
Trendy WhatsApp Stories
You all know that WhatsApp also launched a new feature of stories like other social networks like Instagram and snapchat. So what are you waiting for? just follow the Trend by putting Trendy WhatsApp Stories in your WhatsApp.
I’m not single, I’m just romantically challenged.
Trust in God, but lock your car.
Awesome ends with me and ugly starts with you.
Try to be a rainbow in someone’s cloud.
It hurts when you have someone in your heart but not in your arms.
Please don’t forget to smile.
Get up every morning, imagine a future then make it happen.
Everyone is beautiful in their own way because God makes no mistakes.
You’re right. I’m not perfect. But I’m unique.
Always remember that you’re unique. Just like everyone else.
Don’t compare yourself with anyone in this world. If you do so, you are insulting yourself.
Motivation is what gets you started. Habits are what keeps you going.
It is almost impossible to smile on the outside without feeling better on the inside.
No matter how strong of a person you are, there’s always someone who can make you weak.
It’s funny how people say that miss you, but don’t even make an effort to see you.
Life is like Facebook. People will like your problems and comment on them but no one’s going to solve them because everyone is busy in updating theirs.
Attitude is like underwear doesn’t show it just wore it.
I am not special, I am just limited edition.
I got less but I got best.
Get as rude as possible and don’t let anyone you how to live.
The only reason why I am fat is that a tiny body couldn’t store all this personality.
Adjustment with right people is better than the argument with wrong people.
A meaningful silence is always better than meaningless words.
If a hug tells you how much I love you, I would hold you in my arms forever.
Silence is the most powerful scream.
Some people are like clouds. When they go away, it’s brighter day.
I changed my password everywhere to incorrect. That way when I forget it, it always reminds me, your password is incorrect.
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Don’t know where your kids are in the house? Turn off the internet and they’ll show up quickly.
A best friend is like a four-leaf clover, hard to find, lucky to have.
When you wake up at 6 in the morning, you close your eyes for 5 minutes and it’s already 6:45. When you’re at work and its 2:30, you close your eyes for 5 minutes and its 2:31.
My goal this weekend is to move… just enough so people don’t think I’m dead.
I don’t need a hair stylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning.
Have some patience, I’m screwing things up as fast as possible.
It’s a good thing I brought my library card because I’m totally checking you out.
You’re like a sharpie – super fine.
I know I’m a handful, but that’s why you have two hands.
I always carry a knife in my purse, just in case we’re having cake.
Forget the butterflies, I feel the entire zoo in my stomach when I’m with you.
Bought a talking parrot today and taught him to say help, I’ve been turned into a parrot.
I made a huge to-do list for today. I just can’t figure out who’s going to do it.
At night, I can’t fall asleep. In the morning, I can’t get up.
I wonder how police on bikes arrest people. Alright, get in the basket.
Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. That’s why it’s called the present.
This dog, is dog, a dog, good dog, way dog, to dog, keep dog, an dog, idiot dog, busy dog, for dog, 30 dog, second dog… now read without the word dog.
My ex-girlfriend’s status said suicidal and standing on the edge. So I poked her.
Got a problem with me? Solve it. Think I’m tripping? Tie my shoes. Can’t stand me? Sit back down. Can’t face me? Turn around.
Single is not a status. It is a word that best describes a person who is strong enough to live and enjoy life without depending on others.
Facebook should have a “no one cares” button.
If your relationship status says, “it’s complicated” then you should stop kidding yourself and change it to “single”
I’d really post your name here every minute if Facebook keeps on asking me what’s on my mind.
Delete me, poke me, like me, and limit me. The choice is yours. Welcome to Facebook, where no one is really your friend.
I’d rather check my Facebook than face my check book.
Awesome WhatsApp Status
Show the awesomeness on your WhatsApp with these Awesome WhatsApp status.
I’m wondering why logging onto Facebook has become part of the everyday routine? Do I really have nothing better to do?
Your intelligence is my common sense.
That awkward moment when you change your Facebook status to ‘single’ and your ex likes it.
Weather forecast for tonight. Dark with a chance of tomorrow in the morning.
I intend to live forever or die to try.
Being nice to people you don’t like is not being two faced, it is called growing up.
The kids next door challenged me to a water balloon fight. I’m just updating my status while waiting for the water to boil.
Sometimes I wish life was like Facebook, you can delete anyone off your page and go back and delete everything you have said and done.
Trust me I am a liar.
Got a new job with the local hostage negotiators and tried to phone in sick but they talked me out of it.
Girl: why you do constantly keep posting my name as your Facebook status every two minutes. Boy: Facebook keeps asking me what’s on my mind. And honestly, it’s always you.
I’ve officially been diagnosed with OFCD. I have also been told that I am beyond cure. Please pray for me.
Roses are red, Facebook is blue, no mutual friends, and who the hell are you.
Facebook is the only place you can write whatever you feel on a wall. Facebook won’t stop asking what’s on my mind even if I tell it, it keeps on asking.
I’ve gone out to find myself. If I should arrive before I get back, please ask me to wait.
I know what you’re doing right now, you’re reading on my wall, right.
Facebook like a person, you write on walls and get poked but people you don’t know.
Call me anorexic, call me fat. I can put on or I can lose that. Call me annoying, call me dumb. Excuse me miss, but I’m having fun. Call me a flirt, call me fake. That’s just me, so give it a break. Call me weird, a nerd and a geek. Call me what you want, I’m just unique.
Facebook should have an ‘Enemy list’
Adding you as my friend doesn’t mean I like you, I did it just to increase my friend list.
You can’t please everyone, you’re not a novella jar.
Hmmm, this text message is a little too harsh, I’ll add LOL at the end.
Seeing a spider in my room isn’t scary. It’s scary when it disappears.
I’m not running away from hard work, I’m too lazy to run.
I miss the days when you could just push someone in the swimming pool without worrying about their cell phone.
Some people have “aha” moments, I just have “Oh seriously” moments.
Dear humans, in case you forget, I used to be your Internet. Sincerely, the Library.
Don’t worry, the spider is smaller than you. “Yeah. So is a grenade.”
They say “don’t try this at home” so I’m coming over to your house to try it.
For you, I would swim across the ocean. LOL, just kidding, there are sharks in there.
Sure, I do marathons. On Netflix.
Your eyes water when you yawn because you miss your bed and it makes you sad.
Always be positive. Trips down the stairs. Whew, I got down those stairs fast.
Never wrestle with a pig. You’ll both get dirty, and the pig likes it.
Dear automatic flushing toilet. I appreciate the enthusiasm, but I wasn’t done yet.
You will love to read
If you keep annoying me, I’ll give your phone number to all the kids and tell them it’s Santa’s hotline.
Facebook should have “So what” button!
As Facebook has a “Poke” button, it should have a “kick” button as well.
My greatest fear is that I will accidentally use the status updates as the search bar.
I don’t like to commit about heaven and hell – you see, I have friends in both places.
Whoever said Facebook was a good idea, let me share my dull life with the rest of the planet.
No matter what anyone says, my cooking is excellent, even the smoke alarm seems to be cheering me on.
Facebook is the red carpet for pretty girls who have no talent.
It’s not that I hate you, but let’s put it this way if you were on fire and I had a gallon of water I’d drink it.
He who went to Facebook and left my space is wise.
Am quitting face book to face my books.
Facebook should add a “dislike button” some updates are just too senseless.
Facebook is where hypocrisy, falseness, double standards, rumors and depression meet up for coffee.
I’d say we should have a “you bore me” button on Facebook.
Single doesn’t always mean lonely and a relationship doesn’t always mean happy.
Paper cut: a tree’s final moment of revenge.
People like me great. People don’t like me great. As long as I like myself that all that matters.
Thank you to every person who has ever told me I can’t. You are just another reason I will.
I made my Facebook name “Benefits” so when you add me now it says you’re friends with benefits.
Marriage is like a walk in the park. Jurassic Park.
How does a train eat? Chew, chew…
I’d walk through fire for my best friend. Well, not fire because that’s dangerous. But a super humid room, well not too humid, because you know, my hair.
What did the traffic light say to the other traffic light? Don’t look, I’m changing.
You know you’re an adult when you get excited about a new cleaning sponge at the kitchen sink.
Yes, of course, I am athletic, I surf the internet every day.
I’m not weird, I’m just limited edition.
Dear diamond, we all know who is really a girl’s best friend. Sincerely yours, chocolate cake.
Of course, I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice.
If Monday had a face, I would punch it.
I drank so much vodka last night that this morning I woke up with a Russian accent.
WhatsApp Status Messages
I wasn’t mad, but now that you asked me 7 times if I’m mad. Yes, I’m mad.
I enjoy taking log romantic walks, to the fridge.
I really should do something with my life. Maybe tomorrow.
I have reached a point in life where I feel it is no longer necessary to try and impress anyone. If they like me the way I am, good and if they don’t, it’s their loss.
You can’t compare me to the next girl. Because there is no competition. I’m one of a kind, and that’s real.
An attitude is an inward thought that wiggles its way out.
I’m not cranky. I just have a violent reaction to stupid people.
I might not be someone’s first choice, but I am a great choice. I don’t pretend to be someone I’m not because I’m good at being me. I might not be proud of some of the things I’ve done in the past, but I’m proud of who I am today. I may not be perfect, but I don’t need to be. I am the way God made me. Take me as I am or watch me as I walk away.
There can be no positive result through negative attitude. Think positive. Live positive.
A bed attitude can literally block love, blessings and density from finding you. Don’t be the reason you don’t succeed.
Like me for who I am and not for who you want me to be. Take it or leave it. That simple.
What others think of me is none of my business.
Love me or hate me I’m still going to shine.
Keep your face towards the sunshine, you will never see the shadow.
I’m only responsible for what I say not for what you understand.
Some days I wish I had the wisdom of a 90-year-old, the body of a 20-year-old, and the energy of a
3 year old.
I know that Einstein’s theory of relativity is correct because every weekend goes by twice as fast as normal.
Smiles are contagious, be a carrier.
Every weekend I do what I love most, absolutely nothing.
Relax, it’s the weekend, just don’t blink or it will be all over.
To thrive in life you need three bones. A wish bone, a back bone, and a funny bone.
It’s so hot outside that I went to buy vegetables, and by the time I got home they turned into soup already.
Please cancel my subscription to your issues.
I tried looking at the bright side of life, but it hurt my eyes.
I’m a millionaire. I have little to no money.
Square box, round pizza, triangle slices, now that’s confusing.
Never judge a book by its movie.
Maybe if we tell people the brain is an app they’ll start using it.
Exercise? I thought you said extra fries.
I hate mosquitoes. I mean, I know I am delicious, but I don’t give out free samples.
Isn’t it funny how red white and blue represent freedom unless they’re flashing behind you?
So you’re a player. Nice to meet you, I’m the coach.
If taking a shower is bad for the environment, I know I’m doing the world a big favor.
For those of you complaining you can’t sleep, log off Facebook! It’s a proven fact that it’s impossible to sleep while Facebooking.
David loves animals, especially the sweet and sour chicken.
Liking your own status is like high fiving yourself in the face.
I wish that I could put my status to what I am really thinking.
I should change my name to no one, that way when I request you as a friend it will say no one wants to be your friend.
The person who has ruined my life is one and only Mark Zuckerberg.
Who need TV we got Facebook drama.
Go away don’t talk to me right now cause it’s my break time and I’m in FB mode.
Has implemented a healthy routine, affecting immediately. Very basic and it’s free nap time.
If the world really ends in 2012, I wasted my whole life in school.
Dear Facebook: they are not “Suggested friends.” They’re people I’m intentionally trying to avoid.
I don’t care what you think of me unless you think I’m awesome – in which case, you’re right! Carry on…
Don’t run after him who tries to avoid you…
I just want to be left alone, is it hard. I don’t want to talk because it isn’t going anywhere, let me be. I’ll be fine because I’m stronger than you think I am, I will not be defeated.
Treat me like a queen and I’ll treat you like my king. Treat me like a game. And I’ll show you how it’s played.
I’m just a mirror for you, you are good, I’m best, and you are bad, I’m worst.
Life: besides gravity, nothing keeps me down.
Don’t get my personality and my attitude twisted because my personality is me, and my attitude depends on you!
WhatsApp Status one Line
You are at right segment because Whatsapp status one line is more effective and look attractive. Just copy these one line WhatsApp status and set as your status.
I don’t follow others, I only follow my orders because I am my own boss.
Whatever life gives you, even if it hurts, just be strong and act like you’re okay. Strong walls shake but never collapse.
Mu attitude is based on the way you treat me.
I let my haters be my motivators.
Attitude is not what you learn from school, it is part of your nature from within.
A can-do attitude is all one needs. It acts as a bridge between success and failure.
I did a push-up today. Well actually I fell down, but I had to use my arms to get back up, so close enough.
How do I like my eggs? In a cake.
Off all my body parts my eyes get the most exercise, I do at least a thousand eye rolls every day.
Sometimes I get road just pushing a shopping cart in a supermarket.
Sometimes I wish I was an octopus, so I could slap eight people at once.
I’m going to stand outside, so if anybody asks for me, I’m outstanding.
Every time I have my picture taken I get hungry because I hear cheese so I start to think of a nice cheese sandwich.
Chocolate is great, it gives you energy which can be used to go buy more chocolate.
Dear LOL, thank you for being there for me all those times I never had something else to say.
The chains on my mood swing just snapped run!
If you don’t cut the cake in pieces and just eat the whole cake, then you only had one piece.
Why must I prove that I am me when I pay bills over the phone? Did some else call to pay my bills, and if they did, why don’t you let them.
That moment when you spell a word so wrong even auto correct is like I’ve got nothing man.
A cop pulled me over and told me “Papers” so I said “Scissors, I win” and drove off.
Don’t worry about to wear today, your smile goes with any clothes?
I bet you anything that I can stop gambling right now.
My middle finger salutes your attitude.
I don’t have an attitude problem, you have a perception problem.
It is a positive attitude towards life that makes dreams come true.
Take me as I am or watch me as I go.
Don’t do drugs, give them to me.
You don’t have to like me, I’m not Facebook status.
O log out from FB, reason: I am bored. After 5 min I signed in. Reason: I am bored.
Half way through eating a horse and realized, I’m not as hungry as I thought.
Is wondering if wondering is a good thing or do I wonder about something else hmmm, I wonder!
Stop writing love quotes in public, it means I’m laughing at the jokes I tell myself in my head.
Dear Facebook, where’s the “duh” button.
I want to make a Facebook account and the name will be “nobody” so when I see stupid stuff people post, I can like it. And it will say “Nobody likes this”.
After 11 years in living in the same house found out that the bathroom mirror opens up into a cabinet.
There are two types of human beings found on Facebook. One who gets an enormous amount of likes and comments on their posts? And the others are men.
Behind every successful Facebook update, there’s ctrl + c and ctrl + v.
Say it to my face, not through your status.
Don’t piss me off then tell me to calm down, that’s like stabbing someone and then asking why they’re bleeding.
If Facebook ruins relationship then guns kill people, pencils misspell words, cars make people drive drunk and spoons make you fat.
All you have to know about celery is that it’s made up of 95% water, and it’s 100% not pizza.
Being a beaver is nice, if you’re hungry you just eat a piece of your home.
You can stop driving me crazy, I can walk from here.
That moment when there’s spider on you, and you suddenly turn into a black belt karate master.
Isn’t it funny that the number 2 pencil is the most popular?
Today I laughed until my abs started hurting, so I can skip the gym.
I’m like Pacman when I’m at a party, I eat everything and run away from anyone coming close to me.
Sorry, I don’t pick up my phone, I got carried away dancing to the ringtone.
New WhatsApp Status
There’s sometimes missing in my life, I just don’t know if it’s a pussy, a person, or a slice of pizza.
I just got off a light that crossed through five times zones. Does that make me a time traveler?
Cavities are like parking tickets, they show up by surprise and take all your pocket money.
I don’t have the time or crayons to explain myself to you.
My decision making skills are as good as a squirrel that’s crossing the street.
If you’re hotter than me, then that means I’m cooler than you.
I walk around like everything is fine, but deep down inside my shoe, my sock is sliding off.
I found the hotel with the most stars in the world. It has an open roof so you can see them all.
I don’t know how to act my age because I’ve never been this old before.
When I’m at work I can fall asleep instantly but when I’m in my bed I can hardly fall asleep.
My cell phone is acting up, I keep pressing the home button but when I look around, I’m still at work.
Single and ready to get nervous around anyone I find attractive.
Whenever I clean my closet I take a GPS with me, so I can find my way back.
My kitchen cleaner says “for a clean kitchen” so I can’t use it, mine is dirty.
I am so broke, I can’t even afford to fill up my bicycle.
I just wanted you to know that somebody cares. Not me, but somebody does.
I lost some weight once, but I found it again in the fridge.
Life is too short to worry about matching socks.
Your idea is completely terrible, so what time shall we do it?
True love is truly amazing only when it’s truly true.
Dance like nobody is watching, because they are not, they are all checking their phones.
What do I do for a living? I breathe in and out.
Our love is like a train with no brakes unstoppable.
I keep my page public so my haters have something to do.
Annoying moment when two people start a conversation on your Facebook status.
Facebook is like a fridge, you check it every 5 minutes even though you know that there is nothing there.
Boys think of girls like books, if the cover doesn’t catch their eyes, they won’t even brother to road what’s inside.
Jonathan is applying geometry to his everyday life. No squares are allowed in my inner circle.
Dear Facebook, would it be too much to ask for you to just shut down for one day so I could get some things of importance done? Just kidding, really don’t do that…
My job is definitely secure. No one else wants it.
Linda notices that nobody ever says, “It’s only a game” when their team is winning.
If you feel a bit lonely, forgotten, or just need someone to cheer you up remember… you can always change your birthday on Facebook?
On Facebook, there should be a relationship status that says I don’t even know what’s going on?
I failed my online quiz, did great on my FB status.
Facebook is the only place where it’s acceptable to talk to a wall.
Dance like no one’s going to put it on YouTube.
Quit posting junk that no one cares about! It’s called filling up my news feed.
I know that I am beautiful, looking is enough but starting is too much.
I’m going on a date with my pillow! Good night
Lauren lives vicariously… through herself.
WhatsApp Status For Boys
Yo Boys just scroll down below and find some unique and awesome WhatsApp Status for Boys.
James is cleaning out his medicine cabinet of expired prescriptions with a glass of water and several mystery pills at a time.
Rob is wondering if he had everything, where would he keep it.
Jack will update his Facebook status for money!
Jay feels ashamed of his smoking but it’s better that I smoke this and let the dreams of the cigarette workers come true then to be selfish and worry about my lungs.
Sandy really wishes she could but, my pantyhose sprung a leak.
Peter reminds you to not stupid with me! I’m better at it.
I thought I wanted a long career, turns out I just wanted cash money.
Facebook should have a limit on times you can change your relationship status… after 3 it should default to “Unstable”.
Yes, you do have a right to your opinion… and I have a right to mine. And my opinion is that your opinion is ridiculously stupid?
Treat me the way you expect to be treated.
A bad attitude is like a flat tire, you won’t get anywhere till you change it.
When it rains all the birds fly for shelter but the eagle alone avoids the rain by flying above the clouds. Problems are common to all but the attitude makes the difference.
I may not be the best, I may not love by anyone but I am me. That’s what makes me special.
A deaf child says “for all of you I am deaf but for me all of you are dumb”. Life have different perspective live the way you want to!
The bigger the challenge, the greater risk I’ll take, the more contented I am.
Don’t like my attitude? Report me at who cares dot com.
Success is the by – product of your attitude.
Hated by many, wanted by plenty, disliked by some, confronted by none.
Attitude is like pregnancy, no matter how long you hide it, it will come out.
There’s always a person that you hated for no reason.
Possible is more a matter of attitude, a matter of decision, to choose among the impossible possibilities, when one sound opportunity becomes a possible solution.
I just don’t care if anyone doesn’t like me I wasn’t put on earth to entertain everyone.
The problem is the no problem; the problem is your attitude about the problem.
Why didn’t I use my turn singles? It’s nobody’s business where I’m going.
Why do they call it beauty sleep when you wake up looking terrible?
Does anyone else have plastic bags full of plastic bags or is it just me?
Never trust someone who takes hours to text you back, but when you hang out with them they check their phone every minute.
Life is always rocky when you’re a gem.
I need a timeout. Send me to the beach and don’t let me come back until I change my attitude.
Got a new phone today, my old one failed the swimming test.
Work is just something I’m doing until I win the lottery.
If we shouldn’t eat at night, why is there a light in the fridge?
My room is like the Bermuda triangle, stuff goes in and is never seen again.
I didn’t mean to push all your buttons, I was just looking for the mute button.
I wish my wallet came with free refills.
My six pack is protected by a layer of fat.
Don’t give up on your dreams so soon, sleep longer.
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It may look like I’m doing nothing, but in my head, I’m quite busy.
School is pointless. English: we speak it. History: they’re dead, get over it. Math: we have calculators, Spanish: we have Dora.
Jolene understands that hard work has a future but laziness pays off now.
Sean is going to drink wet cement and gets really stoned.
I used to be schizophrenic, but we’re all right now.
When you can’t sleep – have no fear! Facebook is here! Yay?
“My memory is so bad” “How bad is it” “How bad is what”
James is going to borrow money from a pessimist. They don’t expect to be paid back.
If you’re going to spread lies and rumors about me on Facebook… feel free to tag me.
I said no to drugs, but they just wouldn’t listen.
James is for external use only. See your doctor before administering.
Sara couldn’t myself have better it said.
You actually have friends? Yeah bro, all 10 seasons on DVD.
I just edited my friend list. So if you’re still able to read this then congratulations you made it through my first elimination.
They said to – faced is a norm in society. Okay… but if you’re going to be 2-faced, make one of them pretty at least. Please don’t be2 – faced with me, because it’s hard to decide which face to slap first.
Josh thinks that if your relationship status says, it’s complicated that you should stop kidding yourself and change it to single.
Love me or hate me but you will never change me.
I’ve never met an ugly person unless their attitude showed me otherwise.
Do not give advice unless you are asked to.
It’s not that everyone may hate or love your attitude. Leave those who hate it and keep it for those are busy loving it.
I received nothing I wanted, but I received everything I needed.
Never bend your head. Hold it high. Look the world straight in the eye.
I know who I am, you have no need to explain.
Act like a lady, think like a boss.
Look like a girl, act like a lady, think like a man and roll like a boss.
Mu attitude: ii don’t like to take right decision, I take decisions and make them right.
I don’t care what you think of me I’m happy that’s all that matters.
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I don’t care what anybody says about me as long as it not true.
Lose my attitude? It’s not an attitude. I’m sick of being unappreciated. I’d love to see where you’re be without me.
If you show your attitude to me then I will show you my middle finger.
If you can’t laugh at your own problems, call me and I’ll laugh at them.
Happiness does not have a price tag so smile.
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